I believe we are capable of good, all of us.
Surely we have proved it.
But just as we are capable of good, that being a definition can be translated to the fact that we are capable of evil. And of course we have proved that as well.
But my opinion is slightly altered. We were made capable of good, but the world taught us to let go of that. From that point, evil was built... as we tested the boundaries of how much we could let go. A test that is, sadly... still ongoing. This is why the world is burning to the ground. We are losing our instinct to what is taught as the 'truth' in this world. An ugly 'truth'. A falsified 'truth'.
But that good that we are capable of is not one to be defeated. Time and again, it has achieved miracles in the darkest of darks. The fight is not lost. The only question is: Will you fight?
My Mind Is Consumed By My Fading Existence.
If i were to wither and die, surely the people around me will be affected. It is common knowledge that few would be scorned to the extent that their deaths be celebrated. But devastation of this magnitude is comparable to but a drop of water in the ocean. What is seen up close as tragedy is actually just the commonplace misery of this world.
This world strives on pragmatism, forgetting that the source of life is faith. I would rather sleep my life away and dream of a beautiful world. Yes, i am weak... i have no 'strength' to chase my dreams in this world. But what is this 'strength' that i lack? Is it not the riches, the connections, the results? For the only strength i have is of heart. But in this world that equation simply does not add up.
All my life, i've been waiting for that one impossibility to happen. It is as if this is the key to my life. All i need, is for someone to say "I Believe In You." and for me to trust that one person. But this is the cruel truth: few are the people who take time to see and believe in other people. Surely these words can come out of any one's mouth, but so weightless and empty are these words when misused. You can never believe in what you do not understand. Vice versa, trusting a person's words require a similar belief... that which i can no longer afford after all these wounds. Thus, an impossibility.
Why do i aim for greatness? Surely it is fact and has been constantly proven time and again that i am able to do good. Yet my heart continues to be burdened. Such a feat should be but the beginning of my magnificence. It is not my ego which speaks of this matter, surely you would know this for a fact if you knew me. Confidence has always been a... problem for me. But i digress. The depths of my soul cry out with pure desire, absolutely affirming that i am far from my destination.
Yet with my mortal eyes i see the impossibility of my dreams. And exhausting nights after nights mulling over a solution, even my once fiery heart has been extingushed. I see and curse my frail mortality, unable to accept such an existence. If i was but destined to be like dust on this earth, then i shall fulfill that role.
Death has always been the easy way out.
Question is, will I take it?
The Epiphany, The Insight to Sanity.
When You Can Finally See What Is Sanity And What Is Madness,
Will You Really Find Comfort In Being Sane?
It seems so clear now, my actions up till this point...
We've ran and ran from everything. Far before we developed attachments to things we abandoned them. This is our way of survival. Gone are the days where we would dive into things hoping for the best, we now know better. The only way to keep Him from getting hurt is to continue moving pass all this.
Its a cruel world... and good guys finish last. If i have to be a monster for Him to survive, i'll gladly be scorned.
How can i step forth, when my mood can swerve in a split second?
How can i trust, when i'm constantly flipping between the sides of right and wrong?
How can i strive, when my desire burns so ferociously one minute, and dies off the next?
I Am A Ticking Time Bomb, An Unstable Concoction, A Tangled Mess Of Confusion, And I Am Me.
But at this moment here and now. I must note down how i feel... for as much as the medication can
alleviate my mood, it has been more potent at making my instability greatly prominent.
I believe you have yet to feel the brunt of such hunger. A flaming passion burning in your heart. Such pure desire, it could even be considered innocent. A fire which refuses to lay dead, no matter how many times extingushed.
I Believe we were meant for Greatness. And the world has yet to see even the tip of our magnificence.
Yet it is not out of confidence that i speak. Truly many would consider us small, insignificant.... Weak. And agreed, i'm nowhere near strong enough as of yet. But every one has a starting point, and once i break out of this shell... Nothing can stand in my way.
One day i will shine like a star in this world, and nobody shall deny me my worth. I will be significant, i will be looked at, i will be recognised. I Refuse to fade away as this being i am, as a blade of grass in this wide field.
Perhaps you may view me as a naive kid, an egoistical bastard, a shallow being, a chaser of wrong ideals, a warped and crazy individual. But if you really have the guts and confidence to say that about me, then bring those words to my face and explain it all to me. I'm only living as a i know how.
I promise, i'll ride on the wings of my Dreams.
I'm the kid that no one cares about, but i'll scream till they hear me out!
This is how i feel tonight. Try and try as you may, nothing will come out of it. Maybe i'm biased, but everything just seems to point in my direction. Perhaps understanding is not something that can be cultured, but rather.... something that was there all along. You either have it, or you don't.
My darkness, will never be similar to yours.
Your pain, is vastly different from mine.
My joy paints a different picture from yours.
Our smiles are of different emotions.
Do you know me?
Finally the festive season is coming to an end. This year's christmas has been a torture. As usual, the medication is not living up to its desired effects, leaving me hanging there~ At least i have wine on my side to keep me at bay. Though the taste is appalling, the effects of alcohol is... well lets just say its slightly more useful then my current medication.
How much longer must i lie to people, saying that i'm fine? It truly is distressing, thought the idea of them going on and on when i tell them the truth... ends with me frustrated and stressed. Sometimes it feels like there ain't a way out, and all i want to do is talk to someone.
But for tonight, it will just be me and my bottle of wine.
I Guess Everything Comes To An End,
Sometimes.... Even Hope Does.
Thats new... i never thought i would find myself in such a state so soon.
The point where you stop thinking about your future or your plans,
The point where you give it all up.
Probably the only thing holding me back now is Responsibility
and Fear.
Heh...
To think that i thought i could change the world, my world.
I wonder what i was thinking back then...
The World Won't Change.
Perhaps you might say i'm just some emo kid shooting his mouth of about things he doesn't know shit about.
Perhaps you might think i'm an immature brat that hasn't grown up or come in terms with reality.
There are many ways you can judge me, but right now as i am....
I don't really care.
Yea i'm whiny, don't have a spine, even ridiculous.
Say what you will... i'm pretty much done giving a shit.
Forget It.
When You Are Being Torn Apart And You Can't Stop It.
The Only Thing You Can Do Is Take Both Hands And Reach For Your Chest...
To Tear Yourself Apart.
At Least This Way The Torment Didn't Last Long.
